As part of the yearly review- we redid some Great Courses in our Reading Group.
The first such course we reviewed was Effective Communications by Professor Dalton Kehoe of York University Toronto. One can learn many things from this course, which can be applied in personal and professional settings.
Here we review Lecture-19- compassionate confrontation
In the lecture, scenarios of a warring couple, union-management disagreements, office irritations are analyzed.
Couple…She-thinks she is a married single mother, a widow
He thinks he is working himself to death..remembers his father who died at this age
Union..the management thinks it is the “damn” union’s fault
The union think the management is overbearing, and does not listen
The mediator states the position-without the emotional charge..just the content.
Reframed-Concerned about the Union’s role-Major
Modeling- Not allow negative emotional attacks
Concerns and contributing causes-not with the emotional charge
Office irritations..the co-worker is untidy, and there is complaint to supervisor
The supervisor refuses to take sides..tells you are concerned with cleanliness
The lecture tells about valuing the other towards a better relationship
- A commitment to understanding each other..
- Make things better for both parties
- Respect-value each other even in disagreement
Professor Kehoe does acknowledge that any couple or group with a high level of disagreement may take several sittings of a structured dialogue, before they can get to any agreement of the nature of the problem, and hence the solution.
Guidelines before starting the structured dialogue
- Let us not leave until the time is up
- Let us try not to interrupt or attack each other.
Steps of Structured Dialogue
1-Make a mutualizing acknowledgement
2-Say one sentence describing your view of the problem, then stop
3-Ask a question to get them to talk
4-Listen actively for understanding
5-Provide understanding feedback
6-Asks questions to clarify or confirm your understanding
7-Ask-“Do you mind if I tell you my side of the story?”
8-Ask for their feedback on your words
9-Repeat as needed
10-Solve the problem.
DISCUSSION..Persons following the course, will definitely benefit in their understanding of their life situations both in work and personal relations. In the general social setting we did a review of two scenarios in Libyan society-regarding the processes of structured dialogue.
In Scenario 1- the collapse of banking in Libya leading to lack of proper transfer.
The management believes that they are doing their utmost. The foreign workers say they have to answer to their families , what they are doing in a dangerous country like Libya if they cannot transfer their money.
The dynamics is altered by different players pressurizing the concerned parties, so it was not as straightforward as a couple having a disagreement or an office dispute in which one worker complains to the supervisor that her co-worker is untidy, or even a Union-Management discussion in a country where banking-security are taken for granted.
Management position- We cannot sign in dollars as banks are closed
Employee position– Why should we as individuals face the brunt of the falling dinar
Analyze any situation of disagreement situation from the angle of Joint personality of the group (to make things better for each other). As Dr.Phil McGraw, says in his book –Family First- if there are four persons in a group-family, there are five personalities- One of each individual and then – a group personality.
What is the Group or joint personality of your group